Last Thoughts At The Airport Before Leaving On A Jet Plane

Rather a Boeing 777…and not knowing when I’ll be back again.

So I’m really leaving. After years of itching to travel again and months of anticipation starting when I bought tickets to Tomorrowland in February, I’m finally here. At the airport. Waiting for my flight to Europe.

I’m ecstatic, terrified, and sad at the same time.

How did I get here?

I’m the kind of person who needs a steady stream of adventure in order to feel alive. And my idea of adventure is exploring foreign cities.

I also need the stability of a home and a loving relationship.

I wish I didn’t exist with such duality. It’s hard to maintain both. It’s taken a lot of work to even realize this about myself.

When I left to go traveling in 2010, all I wanted to do was get out of town. When I returned home a year later, all I wanted was stability.

In 2013, I got everything I thought I wanted. I settled into an apartment in the city with a stable partner and a good job. I had never been so happy in my life.

Yet the world slowly but surely lost its color.

Every day was the same: wake up, go to work, come home, make dinner, indulge a hobby, go to sleep, rinse repeat rinse repeat.

Ever since I moved out at 17 and started living life, I kept playlists organized by each season of each year. Every one of these playlists embodied the colors, sounds, sights, and emotions from that particular season of that particular year of my life. If I put on any of these playlists and closed my eyes, I could, in my mind, transport myself back to that time and relive those memories.

Those were times when I traveled often, experienced many new things, had projects to work for, and the energy to do it all.

I kept these playlists for 8 years.

Then I hit my quarter-life crisis. A few weeks later I rang in 2014 with the man that I loved and returned home to the city apartment where I shared my life with him. Then, as the first few weeks of the year dawned, the novel lights of my younger years faded, driven by routine into the ground.

I stopped keeping playlists. Why keep playlists to remind you of the different colors you’ve experienced when there are none left?

It wasn’t as dramatic as it sounds, but crises are nevertheless crises.

But 2 months later, my man also stumbled into his own quarter-life crisis.

So we got stuck in our quarter-life crises together, both uncertain of how to move forward with our lives.

Eventually, earlier this year, we emerged from our crises to realize that, for now, we need to take our lives in different directions. So we parted kindly and have spent our time since encouraging each other to become better people.

I’ve spent the last few weeks trying to see friends and have been moved by their loyalty. I honestly don’t feel that going traveling is a big deal; so many people are lucky to be able to do it these days, and I may not even be gone that long, but dozens of friends have insisted on seeing me off.

I’ve been given care packages, a bunny key chain to take to see the world with me, a bracelet to remind me to rationalize before I act, a card of encouraging quotes, a 90-minute mixtape, and countless well-wishes.

Some even came to see me through the gate.

I am so very lucky to have you all.

So here I am. I’ll be boarding soon. It’s going to be amazing.

I already feel thousands of miles away.

I’m going on a city-hop of Europe until September, after which I hope to get on a cruise around the Mediterranean, hang out…somewhere outside the Schengen Area (Istanbul?) until mid-November.

On that note, why didn’t anyone tell me that there is a 90 day per 180 limit in which one can stay in all countries in the Schengen Area?! I found out yesterday afternoon and freaked out for a few hours until I managed to come up with a new idea as to how my itinerary might pan out. Thankfully I haven’t booked anything past August…

Anyway, after I hang out outside the Schengen Area, in mid-November, I’ll head to Poland to participate in Miss Supranational 2015, then go to Bangalore and Goa for the holidays.

After that, who knows? Maybe I’ll move to Germany and enroll in a Masters program. Maybe I’ll come back and get a job. Maybe I’ll go be a DJ in Taipei or Singapore. Maybe this man that I love will meet me in Asia and let me show him all of the bright and beautiful sights the Far East has to offer.

Or maybe I’ll run into visa issues and end up back here by September.

I’ll leave it all up to chance. As my mom has been saying, “車來就上, 車道哪兒就下” (“if the train comes, get on; whatever the train’s destination, get off”).

Regardless of everything, I’m going to miss all of you.

Wow, this turned out a lot gloomier than I intended. Don’t worry, most of my posts from my adventure abroad will be bright, colorful, sunny, and full of photos. I bought an $800 point-and-shoot camera (a Sony RX100 III) for this very purpose.

Time to board. I’m putting my computer away. Goodbye everyone!

I’ll see you all on the other side.